need another drink. this is the easiest way
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Randomize
