I'm jealous of your bromance
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
