If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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