THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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