All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
