You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
