You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
