Plan B is the new Plan A
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
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