just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
