Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
zippers are such a cool invention
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
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