so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
