I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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