That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
