I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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