Just mADE A PArabola og urine
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
