I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Randomize
