she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
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