I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Operation Purity has been aborted
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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