Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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