the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
