did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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