this beer tastes like vomit already
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
