Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
