I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
