I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
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