apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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