Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
