I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
