we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
