Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
