My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
