Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
i love accidental penises.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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