dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Randomize
