I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
