The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
