in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Randomize
