im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
