glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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