Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
