remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
