Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Randomize
