i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize