i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
