He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize