i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
