I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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