i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
ugly people sure do ruin things
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
