I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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