I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
