so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
