my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
