So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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