I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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