I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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