Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
