new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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