I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
