Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
There's even glitter on my cock...
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
