You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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