I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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