I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
