Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
