I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
