so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
she pinky promised me she was 18
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
