I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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