All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
im six kinds of drunk right now
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
