Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
