apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
