so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
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