Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
