Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
