the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
