I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
