I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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